Depression has struck again! Does anyone ever feel like a car stuck in park or is that just me? My whole life I have wanted to do something amazing. If you don’t know when I was 14 years old I started an Online Magazine called ‘Sparkling Stars‘. It is actually still up if you want to check it out. It was fairly successful and I worked with many brands. However, it wasn’t a money making career choice. Sadly, money makes the world go around.
I did have a successful YouTube beauty channel from 2007 to 2011, but than my mental health took a turn for the worst. I have started and failed at many things. I’ve had multiple blogs, released a poetry book and even started an Etsy shop. Honestly, this little book blog blog of mine is one of the longest things I’ve stuck with, which is pretty sad.
I just want more. Not to say I want to be this big time influencer, but I have always wanted to do something that not only I loved but also brought me joy. I have a pretty complex life currently. My husband is disabled so I have to take care of him. I struggle with my bipolar, anxiety and as you can tell depression. Also, I would love to be a mom one day, but I don’t ever feel like I am good enough to be a mom.
I was never good at school, and because of my husbands disability it would be hard to have a 9 to 5 job. For clarification, i would never blame my huasband for my life not being where I want it to be. He is my best friend and i love him unconditionally. That being said, I just feel so lost and confused. I don’t know what the point of this post is only to say if you are feeling like a failure or lonely, lost and have no idea where your life is going just know that I hear and I understand.
I do want to stress that I am in no way suicidal or have thoughts of harming myself. If you have those thoughts please reach out to someone or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255). The provide 24/7 support to enough in need. Please leave a comment letting me know that I am not alone in how I am feeling.
Until The Next Chapter,